I Should Have Chosen Love...
by Forgotten Illusion
Summary: Sora wonders why she ever married Yamato as breathes her last breaths... Written in Sora's POV, contains a lil Yamato bashing and Taiora!


1 I Should Have Chosen Love…  
  
By Forgotten Illusion  
  
I look at the eyes of the woman in the small mirror. Her body is to die soon, but those eyes have been dead for a long time. When did they die? Why didn't I notice it then?  
  
In this uncanny darkness and silence, all I see is the sparkling dead eyes of this woman. They sparkle only because the little light that manages to enter this closed garage is reflected in them. They are just like the moon: a beautiful, dead rock that does not have its own light. They used to be as bright as the sun and as lively as the Earth, but not anymore.  
  
The engine hums silently. It might be loud, I do not know anymore. After you had listened to the same thing for a long time, your ears tend to stop listening. Just like him screaming at me. It's too bad my body can't do the same thing with pain.  
  
I could have avoided all this. I shouldn't be doing this. But I am. And that is because I made the biggest mistake of my life long ago: I said yes.  
  
Yes- an adverb to express an agreement. The simplest things can be the deadliest. What went through my mind as he showed me that ring? Yes, it was beautiful, but where did it come from? It probably did not come from his heart; he could have easily gotten that because of his fame. But why did I say yes? I could have said no. But my heart was not in control of my body at that time. My mouth shaped the word "yes," and my voice box made sure that word was uttered. Curse this body! It is the only reason he wanted me. No, he never wanted me at all. It is just my body he longed for.  
  
But I am being a hypocrite. I longed for his body too. I thought it was his heart I wanted. If I compare my feelings towards him with another person, that other person's heart was my desire. He wanted my heart as well, not just my body. Our souls deserved to be one. If only I had recognized this then. If only I knew the meaning of true love. If only I knew the difference between lust and love. Now I must pay for my ignorance.  
  
Yamato: the name for ancient Japan. Japan was a vicious country so that it could achieve its desires. He is just like that. He lived up to his name. He didn't use to be; at least I didn't think so. Even though I said yes for a moment, there were times I had to say no afterwards. Eventually, I would have to beg him, saying no over and over. But he was vicious, just so he could get what he wanted. That is where my scars come from. I have been successful in hiding all of them. Even my closest friends didn't know. But I knew that the one I loved could see.  
  
Because I said no, he found others who would say yes to his requests. Oh, how it broke my heart. He would claim to be working hard, late at night, but his clothes would smell like beer, and there were lipstick stains that didn't match mine. I should have learned to be stronger. I gave in on some nights so I could ease my pain. I didn't want to smell beer and see lipstick on his shirts again. He would still hurt me, and he would still come home late. But every time we were together at night, he would apologize, as though sincerely, and please me so much I had to forgive him.  
  
At least the children never heard my screams. They felt like two-hour long screams, when they were only really two seconds. I don't want my children to worry, nor do I want them to grow up in a violent household. Yamato somehow understood that, and was a good father towards them. We seemed like a perfect family, but nobody knew what happened behind the locked bedroom door. Not even my closest friend Mimi.  
  
Some of the lipstick stains on his shirt matched hers. Sometimes, I can even smell her perfume around the house at times. One time, at a party, I asked for where both of them were, and everybody said that each of them were in the bathroom. Now, we have more than one bathroom in the house, but when I finally saw them, Yamato's tie was in disarray, just like Mimi's hair. The fresh lipstick that she was wearing when she came in the house was gone, and Yamato's lips were pinker than they usually were.  
  
I just made myself ignorant to that situation when I'm around her, and so does she. She's not an expert at hiding things, not like me. But I talk to her like I don't know anything, and she tries to do the same thing. Through her actions, I confirm my suspicions. But I also confirm the fact that nobody knows of Yamato's violence except for Taichi.  
  
Taichi: Yamato's best friend and rival. My heart aches when I think of him. Tears just won't stop flowing when I do so. I would have been so happy if I said yes to him. My heart yearns for him; our souls cry to be united. But Yamato had trapped my soul. He made it so that it is trapped in my body, yet not belonging to me anymore. Taichi knew. All it took was a tear and a hug, and he understood everything. Although my soul was relieved and was united with his for a few precious, beautiful, sad moments, it got too far. A few months later I confirmed that I was pregnant.  
  
I told Yamato I was needed outside of the country for a few months. It was an excuse; I didn't want this child to die. This child was born a month earlier than he should have, so I could return home sooner and Yamato wouldn't hurt me too severely when I get back. I knew he still would have hurt me, but I wanted to avoid as much pain as possible, just like any other human being. Unlike my other children, this child was conceived out of love. I knew the first time I saw his eyes that he would look exactly like his father, which meant, I would have to give him to Taichi. I cannot merely come up with some excuse and bring him home with me to Yamato. He is the most beautiful being that ever came out of this body.  
  
Taichi didn't have a wife; he was hoping that my relationship with Yamato would end and we could be together. Though it seems cruel, it is really sweet. I wish such a thing was possible, but there was no way out of my life with Yamato. Everybody was wondering where Taichi Jr. came from. I wanted a better name for him, but Taichi said that if the name was too special, Yamato might suspect something. I understood his logic naturally, since we always understood each other. If JR (his nickname) had been a girl, I would have named him Ai. Sometimes I call him Ai by accident, as though he reminded me of a miscarried child. No, I merely want to hold him in my arms. Unlike children conceived by Yamato, who I considered only my children, and not mine and Yamato's, JR belong to more than one person. Yamato always wonders why I am too much of a mother figure to JR. It is because he is a child of Taichi's and mine. OUR child. Not just mine, but Taichi's as well. I truly wish I can say the same about my other children, but Yamato is their father, so I cannot say so. I love them too, but with a different kind of love than my love for JR's.  
  
Taichi… Why couldn't I have known the difference between love and lust then? Why did I have to choose lust? I hate the way I have to pretend I only love Taichi as a friend. I don't. I love him more than I love Yamato, and more than I can ever love anybody else. But since I cannot end my life with Yamato, our story has to be like Romeo and Juliet's.  
  
"Sora…!" I hear in the distance.  
  
"Taichi…" I moan softly. I don't have the strength to reply too strongly.  
  
He seems to have heard me and opens the door, eyes filled with tears.  
  
I managed to smile at him. "Take care of JR." I say, barely above a whisper.  
  
"No." He shakes his head. He understands I must do this, though. He could easily stop me, but he doesn't. I am down to my last breaths now. "Aishiteru…" He manages to say while fighting back tears.  
  
A single tear rolls down my cheek. "Aishiteru…"  
  
  
  
Author's Notes: Well, I hope you liked it. This is my first angst and first short story. It's a different style than what I usually write, but I think because it's angst, it's like this. So, if you can't figure everything out, let me know. If it sucks, please let me know. If it's so bad it needs to be off the web, then PLEASE let me know. ^^ But if you like it, great, let me know too.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters used in the story. It's true I didn't have to use Taichi, Sora, and all the Digimon characters, but it was inspired by Taiora, and I want to keep Taiora alive. I don't care about Sorato being official, TAIORA ALL THE WAY!!! 


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